Anniversaries

On the ninth of every month for five months, I have “celebrated” or at least marked the anniversary of my November 9th spinal fusion. Tomorrow is my six-month anniversary and the most significant so far. It was at my six-month appointment after my first spinal fusion that I found out that the surgery had failed and I would need a second operation. At my last appointment, three months ago, the doctor was optimistic about the success of my fusion and I have no reason to fear a third, but I can’t help being nervous. I know that when I’m lying on the metal X-ray table tomorrow, I will be suspicious of the friendly demeanor of the technician. I will not be able to stop myself thinking that she already knows whether something is wrong, whether my screws have broken again.

I try not to focus on the screws and instead on the positive, on the complete unlikelihood that my fusion could fail again. But I can’t stop myself from dreaming - from waking up in the middle of the night thinking that I’m back in my hospital bed or in my surgeon’s office receiving bad news. I don’t blame myself for having dreams or being anxious about my second six-month appointment (when there should have been only a first). I just wish that I could feel something in my body telling me that this time is different - maybe a lesser degree of pain or exhaustion than I felt after my first six months. At this point, I’m operating on a combination of faith, positive thinking (with the exception of this blog post, of course), and percentages. As in, there’s less than a two percent chance that my surgery could fail this time. Unfortunately, I’m one hundred percent sure that I’m dreading my doctor’s appointment.

Up there with anxiety and dread, is a sense that I have no control over my future. I was never someone that needed to feel in control of my destiny. I’ve always had tons of ideas about what I could do with my life, plenty of plans, but usually found that any target I had paled in comparison to reality. For example, during my sophomore year in college I spent months planning a summer trip to California to be an actress. I even tried an extreme diet – my very own combination of Atkins and Suzanne Summers – to get ready for all the bikinis I’d be asked to wear in suntan lotion commercials. Instead of going to Hollywood, I went on two amazing volunteer trips, one of which put me on a roof in West Virginia, partially in charge of the high school students tasked with replacing said roof. I mourned my summer plans for about a minute, feeling that the surprise trip to the edge of a Mountain in McDowell County was better than anything I had envisioned.

I always felt that relinquishing control over my plans worked in my favor, until six months after my first spinal fusion. I started looking into MFA programs for Poetry and found out, instead, that I’d be having another surgery. Suddenly I felt that a little more control over my ‘destiny’ wouldn’t be a bad thing. Who was I kidding? I was all about control. My first surgery was on my terms, after I’d gotten through college and could take the necessary time off for recovery. The second surgery was totally out of my control, unless, of course, I wouldn’t mind being a cripple. So even as I was looking for job possibilities on the internet this morning in hopes that my six-month appointment will lead to physical therapy and increased mobility, I do so only because I have to plan. I have to do something to mark these six-months, to acknowledge that they occurred and are significant. So I look for jobs, write this blog, and say a prayer that my second six-month appointment will be cause for celebration. And that the next surprise that life gives me will have nothing to do with a hospital bed.

In the garden.

I was in the garden (still reading The Mists of Avalon) and I decided to take a few pictures. That's not such an unusual event. Since my surgeries, I've probably taken close to a thousand pictures of the flowers in the yard. This is a tulip.



This is a bird bath.



Same tulip, different angle.

These pictures were taken in the backyard, but I also took a few in the front. As I was crouching down to get a shot of a particular salmon colored tulip, I heard footsteps coming up behind me. They're getting closer. Closer. It's either my brother or I'm about to be mugged...

Or it could be the mailman. Crisis averted.

Not my Blueberry-Nut Bread

This really delicious recipe is from Jane Brody’s Good Food Gourmet. I’m not sure if you’re supposed to post recipes from cookbooks so if I’m committing a blogosphere crime, somebody please let me know.

Before I type up the recipe as it appears in the book, I’ll mention a couple of changes that I made (out of necessity). Firstly, I used frozen blueberries (from Whole Foods which has the best frozen products I’ve ever tasted). Secondly, I violated the cardinal rule of cooking/baking – always make sure that you have all the ingredients before you start putting the dish together. We usually have orange juice, but on that particular day we didn’t so I substituted grapefruit juice. I could have squeezed an orange, but I’d rather eat the orange and eat the cake.

If I made this recipe again, I would probably reduce the sugar by 1/4 cup. I would also like to try baking this bread with dried cranberries instead of blueberries.

BLUEBERRY-NUT BREAD

1 cup whole-wheat flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
1/4 t salt (optional)
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 egg, beaten
1 tablespoon grated orange rind
1/4 cup orange juice
3/4 cup boiling water
1 cup blueberries (preferably fresh)
3/4 cup chopped pecans

1. Preheat the over to 350º F.
2. In a large bowl, combine the whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt (if desired).
3. Add the butter and the beaten egg to the flour mixture, stirring the ingredients to combine them.
4. In a small bowl or measuring cup, combine the orange rind, orange juice, and water. Add the juice mixture to the flour mixture, stirring until just combined. Stir in the blueberries and pecans, and transfer the batter to a greased 9X5-inch loaf pan.
5. Place the pan in the hot oven, and bake for 50 to 60 minutes or until a tester inserted into the center of the bread comes out clean.

Kat’s Note: this bread is great warm out of the pan or toasted the next day.

My Favorite (Turkey) Burger

I take my tomatoes on the side.

So far I’ve posted recipes on this blog that I created (er, knocked-off) or made (almost entirely by myself). My mom made this turkey burger and she thinks that it’s from a recipe though she can't remember where it came from. My only contribution to the dinner was the Fresh Chive Mayo (mayonnaise and a generous amount of chopped fresh chives from our garden – dried would be fine as well). I also made the Roasted Acorn Squash (roasted with olive oil and a bit of salt – it was incredibly and unexpectedly sweet) but that was leftover from another meal.

This burger recipe is a shout out to Teresa. We (coincidentally) made the same Rachael Ray burger (stuffed with cheese and bacon) so I thought that she might like to try this one. This has been my favorite burger (turkey, beef or otherwise) for a long time and I hope someone else enjoys the recipe.

Ingredients
Olive oil, for cooking
Ground turkey meet
1 packet mushroom onion dry soup mix
1/4 cup water
Garlic powder and pepper (optional)
Monterey Jack cheese, to top burgers
Rolls (Kaiser or Italian) or buns
Fresh Chive Mayo (optional)
Lettuce and tomato, to top burgers

Mix ground turkey meet, packet of soup mix and water together. Form into patties. My mom made four – usually we make smaller burgers so about five.

Cook burgers in olive oil over medium heat until meat turns opaque. You can dust the top of the raw side with garlic powder and pepper if desired. After flipping the burgers, top with cheese and cook until the meet is done and the cheese melted (you can cover the pan to help the cheese melt).

Serve with lettuce, tomato and Chive Mayo on a roll.

Challenge: if you can make an equally tasty burger with fresh ingredients (i.e. no soup mix) I would love to have the recipe!

Napkin Rating: My brother suggested that I give my recipes Napkin Ratings. As in, this recipe is so messy that you need X number of napkins. I only used one, but also only finished half of my burger. My mom and brother needed two. So, on average, this recipe receives a Napkin Rating of 2.

Today I was relaxing on the chaise, cool in the shade of an umbrella, with a good book (The Mists of Avalon, recommended by Pam). My mom was trimming the hedge. She was taking it down by a couple of feet and it was tedious work in the hot sun. I decided to help, because my comfortable lounge in the cool shade accompanied by my good book was not as relaxing when watching my mother toil at the hedge.

Thus began my first post-second-surgery yard work. Basically, I chopped up the branches that she had already trimmed so that they would fit into one of those big brown leaf bags. I barely filled half a bag and there’s a ton left to do, but it felt good to do something of use even if it was punctuated by frequent water and then bathroom breaks. Baby steps.

Cape May, April 2007

I recently went to Cape May with Astrid and her Mom. It was my first post-second-surgery trip. We spent one night in a very cute, old inn. My back held up pretty well when we were there, but when I came back I crashed for about a day and a half. Or a Day.5 (day point five). It was grey, cold and windy in Cape May, but it was nice to test myself with a trip. Of course, two days later, it's bright, warm and sunny. Ah well.

Below is a pictorial essay of my trip, though, as I have a bizarre eye when it comes to photographs, I'm not sure how representative it is of our stay in Cape May.



Didn't I tell you I bought a boat? Just kidding. This is outside the Lobster House.



Again, outside the Lobster House where it's usually very pleasant to sit and eat. On Tuesday it was cold and very, very windy, but we ate outside anyway. With my hood up I looked like a bum eating lobster salad. But it still tasted good. The lobster salad, not my hood.



The afore mentioned lobster salad. Astrid's mom laughed at me for taking this picture but I kind of like it. This was when we first got to Cape May, and, undoubtedly, before she realized that I take pictures of weird things. Still, I think Jon and Christina would be proud that they passed on the tradition of taking pictures of food.



A freaky little wooden doll drilled to the outside wall of a doll shop. I know that she's wearing a sailor dress but I think she looks kind of goth. Is it just me, or was she an extra on Buffy (as a vampire of course)? I didn't go into the shop.



This shop was closed both times that Astrid attempted to check it out. I still managed a shot of all of the little doodads out front.




Astrid loved this lamp. She asked the innkeeper (oh, I used the word innkeeper!) where she bought it.



A turned over table at the beach. I couldn't actually get onto the beach because the sand from the dunes had blown a mountain (er, hill) onto the boardwalk steps and I couldn't risk the fall.



A picture of Astrid. I just liked the unintentional glowy, ethereal look. Do you think Astrid's magic?



Who knew that my camera could take underwater pictures?



A mailbox outside a shop. The store sold things like incense and books. The shop smelled nice. The lady behind the register and I talked about the practicality of digital cameras after she and Astrid finished laughing at my photographing of her shop windows. I didn't post those shots. This is just a guess, but I don't think that starfish was plucked from the Cape May shore.



The final chapter in this pictorial essay and one of my final shots taken in Cape May. That is a beautiful seahorse caught off the dock at the Lobster House.

Mmmm... Pineapple?

So I haven't posted in ages. This blog totally lost momentum after a total of four posts (as I predicted it would). But I’m back. Back with a fury! Or, another boring post.

Here are two delicious recipes. If you actually want to try one of these recipes but want/need more detailed directions, let me know.

Cheese and Ham and Pineapple Pizza, AKA Hawaiian Pizza
I made this pizza because we had some ham leftover from Easter.
Bake a pizza crust for ten minutes in a 400º oven. Remove from the oven and top with ham (in small cubes), cheddar, mozzarella, and parmesan cheese, and chopped up pineapple (roughly the same size as the ham cubes). Return to the oven and bake for 25 to 35 minutes more or until the cheese is bubbly and starting to brown.

Salmon and Caramelized Onion Salad w/ Honey Mustard Dressing
This is my favorite salad and I make it from leftovers every time we bake salmon.
I make my own dressing using a teaspoon of honey, a couple tablespoons of Dijon mustard, plain yogurt and a little mayo and sour cream to cut the tartness of the yogurt (this dressing is entirely to taste). I caramelize onions in a little olive oil and butter (20 to 30 minutes, starting at a low heat setting so the onions don’t burn). I use a mixture of baby greens and arugula but any greens will do (I like something slightly bitter with this salad – like arugula or watercress – because of the sweetness and richness of the other ingredients). Top with salmon, onions and dressing and enjoy!

Here are a couple of Easter pictures to appease Lakshmi (I promised her a post after Easter but it seems too long ago to do it now).