So long, Chuck.

These used to be my most beloved shoes. I loved them all the more as they became worn and faded. They’ve sat on a shelf in my closet for almost two years. I put my Converse away before my first spinal fusion, because I needed, for a time anyway, to wear slip-on shoes. No bending allowed. But they haven’t seen pavement (um, with the exception of this photograph) since I stowed them on that shelf. I have nerve damage in my big toes – a common and expected result from spinal fusions as the L5 nerve to the feet must be moved during the operation – and any pressure (from shoes that were probably too tight to begin with) hurts them. Now I have to wear ugly, wide shoes that don’t press on my toes. The nerve damage causes a weakness and an inability to resist force – as in, I step down from a bus and my toe gives out. And it hurts. I used to feel the pain in both of my big toes on a fairly constant basis, but the left one has only been caving in against the sidewalk periodically and I’m sure the right is close to follow. My doctor said to give it nine months to two years (from the date of surgery). Either way, I think that my Converse are retired for good. But they’ll stay on the shelf. And if I move, I’m sure that I’ll be tempted to bring them along. They remind me of my pre-spinal-fusion life; of a time when I didn’t even know that I needed surgery. That time hardly seems real anymore, but I guess these shoes are proof.